Ever since I was little, I’ve loved the wonder that small details bring. I’ve loved how a raindrop reflects colors and light, the fresh smell of grass and life after a rainstorm, and the fuzzy feeling I get when I see an old couple helping each other into a restaurant or a car.
These micro moments make me smile. They also calm and center me in the here and now, anchoring me in something concrete instead of in the vague stress and anxiety I may otherwise feel.
Have you ever caught a micro moment like that and noticed the beauty in it? Well, that’s a glimmer (courtesy of Deb Dana).
Let’s get technical for a sec. When we’re triggered and stressed, our sympathetic nervous system fires on all fronts to put us on alert for potential danger. This increases our heart rate, slows down digestion, and quickens our reflexes. Over time, chronic stress and anxiety takes a toll on this system and we can end up with obesity, constipation, dizziness, and a whole host of other side effects. If living with chronic stress or anxiety, your brain is probably scanning the horizon for possible threats most of the time – that’s the SNS at play.
The other system meant to keep us in balance is the parasympathetic nervous system, which controls things like saliva production (less dry mouth), slower heart rate, increased digestion, libido, etc. It activates when we feel safe, relaxed, and at rest… which is why it feels like it rarely kicks in.
We lack balance – in our lives and our bodies.
We’re so often caught up in our thoughts and feelings that we even forget to breathe. Glimmers help us shift from triggered to grounded by looking for the beauty, love and joy in a moment. This has the added benefit of clapping back at Trauma Brain when it tells us our lives are sh*t with, “Actually, no. Look at this beautiful moment.”
Glimmers are often called the opposite of triggers, if that helps for context.
Where others might complain about the rain or a snowstorm, we can rewire our brains to appreciate the coziness of being inside listening to the rain or see going outside during heavy snow (if safe to do so) as fun. At one of my previous jobs, the CEO wanted his non-fat vanilla latte from Starbucks and his EA didn’t really want to head out into the snowstorm (made more intense by the NYC wind tunnels).
Did I jump up and offer to get it so I could spend all of 2 minutes door to door to be in the snow? You bet! I got myself a latte on the CEO, too (with permission). I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: play is a huge part of regulating our nervous systems and just inviting life in.
Is positive thinking going to make all our problems go away? No. However, if we can train ourselves to notice and appreciate what I see as the universe sending us little signs that there’s love left to be had, we can start to take back some agency in our daily lives.
Did your favorite song come on in the store? That’s a little pick-me-up from the universe. Blessed that we can afford our favorite coffee once in a while? Perf. Watching doggies play in a dog park? What a perk.
Glimmers are all around us and yeah, they’re sometimes impossible to notice when we’re deep in it, but they’re there for when we can.
What I love most about glimmers is that noticing them often leads us to gratitude. Not to be preachy, but so much of what we experience living with trauma and mental illness is stuff that takes us out of ourselves and our bodies. I find gratitude grounds me.
Now I never got on the Oprah train (not on purpose), but her practice of saying “Thank you” morning and night is food for thought. It’s simple, takes no time, and brings us back to what we do have instead of what we don’t. Do I journal daily? Heck no. Would it help? Probably, but until then, this is a good practice to try.
As always, I’m not saying to be grateful for your pain and suffering (and I hate it when ableists say that). I am saying, though, that if we can notice and be grateful for the micro moments – the feeling of a hot cup of coffee in your hands on a cold day, the luxury of sleeping in on a weekday, or the sound of birds in early spring – then we can somewhat adjust the wiring in our minds that have us focusing on all the crap (on repeat) instead of the love, joy, and magic that exist in these little moments.
So remember to try to catch a glimmer today or tomorrow and notice how you feel in that moment. It might help, even for just a moment.
I feel like it’s important to make sure it’s clear that I am not saying to focus on only the good and that glimmers will make the triggers go away. No. The one does not replace the other and we shouldn’t pressure ourselves to be perfect in our glimmer-hunting. Looking for glimmers is a gentle practice, not a challenge we need to excel at and perfect. Gentleness and softness.
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