"When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure."
For trauma survivors and those living with depression, impulse shopping (i.e. retail therapy) is a way to momentarily feel better. We want to feel and look better, happier, less tired and stressed, trendier, etc. – anything to fill the hole. Which one of us hasn’t bought a new gym outfit or gotten a manicure to feel better? The whole “treat yo self” craze did not help one bit (thanks Parks and Rec) and instead helped land us in what I call dopamine debt. There are of course other neurotransmitters at play – here’s a good breakdown of them.
With salaries not keeping up with inflation, millennials and Gen Z unable to enter the realty market, and what feels like everything under the sun getting more expensive, many of us rely on credit cards and buy now, pay later options to not only get by, but to afford ourselves this or that to feel better. It’s no surprise that we want to enjoy life now and not wait until we retire, but it can come at a serious cost.
The good feeling we get when impulse shopping starts well before the actual purchase, according to psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD. “It can start before you even leave the house because you’re delighting in all the possibilities,” she says. “Your happy hormones surge through the whole journey.”
The same can be said for just scrolling online. We feel less sad, lonely or depressed when we make a purchase because not only are we doing something to treat ourselves, but it gives us a sense of control over our situation. “When you’re feeling as if things aren’t going your way, getting exactly what you want can feel like a positive personal achievement,” says Dr. Albers.
I don’t have the best financial track record.
My family had it pretty tough for a while when I was in middle school, so when I started earning my own money as an adult, I often spent money to feel better and prove to myself that I wasn’t poor, except (unsurprisingly) it landed me in real financial difficulty. I leaned into impulse shopping, buying this or that for my apartment or closet, going to cafes or buying coffee on the way to work, ordering in or getting take-out, etc. It all amounted to a good deal of debt, but I told myself I was keeping on top of the monthly payments (and I was).
I tried to be financially responsible, but in hindsight, I don’t think I was ever 100% committed. I froze my credit cards in the apps and in plastic cups in the freezer, I joined Ellevest, and I had a budget (that I admittedly never really updated or stuck to). I wanted a better financial situation but I never fully committed.
When I moved across the Atlantic, I decided this was the time to get my house in order. I would not make the same mistakes here as I did in the US, and I can say (with immense gratitude) that I’m now debt free (except for student loans).
Sticking my head in the sand is no longer an option and actually gives me more anxiety. Knowledge is power and I feel so much better knowing exactly what comes and goes into and out of my account each week and month.
In my budget, which I keep in Google Sheets, I have one worksheet for set costs and budgetable costs broken down by month. I then keep separate tabs that track actual spending by month, which I update weekly. That means I can compare budget to actual and track spending week by week, adjusting the budgetable categories as needed.
This also means that I can plan bigger purchases, like getting full highlights or a dishwasher, or dream goals (hi doggy) months or a year in advance. They’re baked into my budget and not random splurge purchases I make whether I can afford them or not.
Tip: overestimate the budgetable categories – it’s better to underspend than overspend.
Impulse shopping is difficult to do when you don’t have the money for it.
Take your credit cards out of your wallet and give them to someone else (like family) to hold onto. Remove them from your Google Pay, Apple Pay, Amazon, and any other app or site where you’ve saved them. Freeze the cards in your apps or online and remove them from any subscriptions you might have.
Equally, freeze your Klarna, Affirm, Afterpay or any other buy now, pay later accounts. Taking out new loans (which is exactly what you’re doing when using these apps) is not what we’re aiming for here. This is especially important given that you can lose your job at any minute, meaning you have no way of knowing if you’ll actually be able to pay the monthly fees in 3 months’ time.
Now obviously I don’t know your personal situation and it might be that you need to use credit just to buy food, etc. In this case, try to stick to one card (lowest APR) or whichever one isn’t maxed out, and bake it into your budget.
Make a list of all the services you’re currently subscribed to and – you guessed it – throw it in your budget.
Cancel all the subscriptions that aren’t necessary. This varies by person. You may feel that your Spotify subscription really helps you day to day, so maybe cancel Netflix instead. I suggest cancelling everything you don’t need 1,000 variations of and keeping just one or two streaming subscriptions, for example. For me, Mealpal was easy to get rid of because all it did was bank on me being lazy.
Now, in another post, I talk about how going cold turkey isn’t actually a sustainable option for most and I stand by that. That’s why I suggest cutting down, not cutting out completely, the things that bring you joy and keep you from spending left, right and center.
The aim is to curb, and eventually undermine, impulse shopping as a coping mechanism. The aim is not to suck your life dry of the things that bring you joy. This is why baking the things you want into your budget is important, as it allows for planned purchases.
The whole point of this is to create an environment where you don’t just feel like you have to stop shopping completely, because that is likely not going to happen. If you cut down on other expenses that you don’t actually need, you might be able to allow yourself take-out once in a while (emphasis on not every day or week).
I’m still unsubscribing from emails and sometimes it feels like the onslaught of newsletters never ends, but I’ve made significant headway and, more importantly, I’m now not even interested in opening them anymore.
I suggest unsubscribing from all the companies you shop at most – Target, Mango, Trader Joe’s, Apple, your favorite nail salon, etc. The less you’re triggered to open the email and buy, the better. Impulse shopping is made easier by constant communication, which brings me to my next point.
Yeah, okay, you might not hear or see the latest cool thing when hanging out with friends or coworkers, but honestly, is that so bad?
Despite the obvious benefits of taking a break from constant stimulation and comparison to other peoples’ highlight reels, Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, etc. are all set up to search and sell. Both the platforms and companies that advertise on them want you to scroll, search, and buy.
They’re hanging their hats on the hope that you will want, and act on, that next dopamine (and other neurotransmitters) hit, whether you can afford it or not.
Another fish on the line.
Make 2025 the year you tamper down your impulse shopping and clear up some debt.
Following the steps above – and any others you feel could be useful to you – will also force you to find other ways of getting those neurotransmitters to kick in. Try to direct your efforts to writing, singing, knitting, cooking, baking, reading, swimming, nature walks – anything that pours your energy back into you in a way that doesn’t borrow from your future self.
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